Today's the day!

This is me. All 237.5 lbs of me. I am very uncomfortable with my current weight. I've actually never been comfortable with my body throughout my entire life. I have listened to people go on and on about how you should love your body no matter what and never wish you looked like others. I have one question, how is that even possible!? If you're not happy, your not going to be until you change what is making you unhappy. So that is where I am today. Yes I have tried many times to eat right and exercise, but every single time I was expecting instant results and checking the scales twice a day, everyday! This led to nothing more than failure! So I am taking a different approach to weight loss. I am getting the scale off my mind. There is no worse feeling than working out for a week, stepping on the scale and seeing that number is larger than it was a week ago! I'm tired of the discouragement.
I am going to do this on my own, with my own determination and motivation. I have to do this for me! Not anyone else, just for me. I want so bad to be able to fit into regular sized clothes and they won't be too tight. I don't want to be bulging from my pants because my stomach is so big my pants never fit right at my hip. I know there are a million weight loss blogs out there and there are a million weight loss success stories to be read all over the internet. I don't want to just read those stories and sit around eating candy and crying about how I WISH I could do it. I want to BE the success story. If all of those other thousands (probably millions) of average, normal people can do it, so can I!
I guess I just need to figure out what is holding me back. Where is the lack of motivation coming from? I'm going to take a guess and say that I honestly am lazy. I really don't feel like running a mile everyday. Sometimes I don't want to count every single calorie I have entered into my body every single day. Just look where this laziness has landed me. In a giant, uncomfortable body. Why do I continue to be lazy when at the same time, I am regretting every minute of it all day long.
Maybe being lazy is not the cause on it's own. Maybe there are more pieces to the puzzle. I think I am also scared. I am scared because every single time I have tried, I have failed. I ate nothing but whole grains, stopped drinking sugary drinks, stopped eating meat, and ate lots of vegetables for a whole month. Not to mention, I exercised at least every other day, if not more. Guess what happened when I stepped on the scale. Not a thing. That big scary number was still the same. A month went by, I decided I need to change my life again, so I did this exact routine again. This time with other's helping me and trying to motivate me. This time instead of staying the same weight, I GAINED WEIGHT! How is that even possible that I gain weight when I am trying so hard to lose it? These past failures are holding me back from reaching my full potential. I am so afraid I will not be able to lose the weight that I do nothing about it.
Today I am changing everything. I am no longer going to be afraid, I am no longer going to be lazy. I am going to be all that I can be and help myself only for the better. I have to stop this cycle of horrid eating and lounging or I am going to lose my mind! All I have left to say is...It's About Time, Lesley!